This is word for word the scrolling title sequence from the new Family Guy Star Wars DVD
Family Guy: Episode VI
Return of the Jedi
Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to— okay, you know what, we don’t care. We were thinking of not even doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did “Blue Harvest”, they said, “Oh, you guys are crazy.” They tried to talk us out of it, and it ended up making a ton of money. By then we were just finishing “Empire” and we were absoulutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar signs in their eyes, and they said, “Seth, if you don’t do ‘jedi’, we’re not gonna let you leave yo go direct your movie.”
I’m Sorry. I took a muscle relaxer earlier and it’s kicking in. I’m just so stressed because there’s been a car parked in front of my house for three straight days and there’s a pillow in the back seat. And I’ve never seen anyone get in or out of it, but it moves a couple feet one way or the other each day. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was a bunch of raccoons living in there, moving it? You know, with their little paws on the steering wheel? And then another one working the brake and the gas? And the steering wheel raccon and the pedal raccoon have to talk back and forth to each other ‘cause the brake pedal guy can’t see the road? I’m gonna keep thinking that, ‘cause I know really it’s probably a car bum.
Look, just do me a huge favor and lower your expectations, okay? Just this one time. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I mean, “Star Wars”. fine. “Empire” — still not bad. But on this one we ran out of gas. Seriously, we let the assistants write it. Hell, even the Fed Ex guy got a joke in, and he calls the baby “Steve.” Anyway, here’s “Return of the Jedi” starring Steve as Darth Vader.
In stores December 21st
